yanina rubini

To tell you about me ufh, how do we define ourselves?

I think if you read my content you would get a better idea of who I am. I was lucky to learn to read and to write early in life thanks to my mother. But maybe it was my path, nothing ever feels more natural and right than when I´m writing what’s in my heart. When I was a teen, I had many low years, I wrote lots, but I was always too shy to show it to people. As I didn´t fully understand yet that isolation and introversion are things a lot of people (particularly teens!) struggle with, I thought it was just me, I felt odd and solitary (by my own thoughts, not really by other people).

When I was nineteen, I had this extreme craving for change and adventure. I have been blessed with a mutable spirit and my stubbornness is always stronger than my fear. I was the first one to leave the clan, I was nineteen, had only a hundred euros in my pocket and a reckless sense of confidence that made me feel I could survive anywhere.

Little that I knew, I didn’t have to survive, I just had to learn. Spain was a new world for me, and I had my moments with it. Yet, since the moment I stepped foot here, I sort of knew I loved my freedom and there was not coming back. Not long after that, I met Neil, we bonded quickly and we´ve been together since, thirteen years this year. We are both the same and the opposite you could say, and I always felt fortunate to come all this way to find him. Now I come to thinking my family was already waiting for me here. A few year later I had my first son, Mylo, when I was only twenty-one. Motherhood is a lot of things, but one thing above it all, it is transformational. Having children speeded up my process. I become the most vulnerable, weak yet powerful, emotional, and loving I have ever been. Though it was hard work (especially since we opened our café with the help of our family at the same time) it made me grow fast. Before you can even get ready, boom! You are a grown-up full of responsibilities. Four years later my second and sweetest boy Koby was born.

All those years, I put writing to the side, or better said, I buried it. I was full of self-doubt, low self-steem, insecurities and anxiety. Took me a long time to get back to health, to recover my routine. Eventually I began to feel better, but this time things were looking different. When I turned thirty, I had a crisis and that´s when my old dreams came screaming back at me!

I sat to write and something wonderful happened. I was full of ideas! And there were not coming out as dark and cold as when I was younger. I was inspired by love, life and purpose. I also started to dig old poetry and now reading it years later, I thought it was better than I remembered it. I managed to start showing it to close friends and slowly I realized that this was not only my dream, it´s my purpose. Because I have done soul work to find my true self (still looking, the work is never done) and I want to share it, I remember that feeling of loneliness I had back then when I was a teen or during the time I was raising babies and some feelings were too heavy to even understand. Now that I realized we need some darkness in our life to create light, to keep the wheel rolling and to make new experiences. I want to share my words because words can heal, they can connect, create emotions, relief pain. Words are a gift and they have consoled me when I felt alone. My words, your words, our words. Eye Am Words means that I am what I perceive and understand, but also it means that words are made of vibrations, just like I am. Words create ideas, and ideas, realities. I can only wish and dream that my words can help heal the world. This is just my grain of sand, yet it means the world to me.

Grateful that you are here with me.

 Yani

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© 2020 by Yanina Rubini. All rights reserved.